I'm currently writing (or attempting) a letter to the first presidency asking permission to get a sealing cancellation so I can marry Colby in the temple. Very few things have been this hard for me. The entire situation overwhelms me. I don't know how to start, what to put in the middle, or how to end it. I've always had a hard time in English class and for once I wish I would have paid better attention in school. I keep asking for help but somehow other opinions just frustrate me. Every time the subject comes up, I shut down. I know that essentially this isn't that big of a deal. I was reminded last week that even illiterate people have to write this letter from time to time and it won't get rejected for poor spelling or a missed comma. At first that helped, then it didn't. I don't think it's the missed period or exclamation point that I'm worried about, it's knowing the exact words to say and what order to put them in.
There is a lot of pressure coming from this letter and at times it's too much for me to handle. Every single time I think about this letter (almost constantly) I can feel my self confidence decrease and I can't explain why. Maybe it's because everyone is acting like it's no big deal? Like it didn't take much time for them to write their letter? The letter none of them have had to write? Like I should be able to sit down and have it finished in 15 minutes? I know I'm capable of writing it but nothing anyone can say makes it any easier. I think the hardest part of all of it is the reminders .. I KNOW I have to write the letter and I WILL do it, I'm not about to wait until the last minute and have to worry about getting it back in time. I understand that it's me that has to write the letter. No one else. I also understand the consequences if I don't get this letter done. I just wish it was a little easier, it's a lot more complicated than words, it involves heart and emotion. Both of which can be quite intense and overwhelming.
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