Ear to Ear and Cheesy as ever ..

Do you ever get that feeling of ...Really? ME? Again? Please not today! ... I usually only get this feeling when I'm at work and I get a super cranky customer who refuses to leave until they've ruined my day or I have to deal with a patient who talks to me like I'm stupid, it's my first day at work in the pharmacy, or like I haven't been to school for my profession ... I hate this feeling! With today being Friday and my third 13.5 hour shift in a row I wasn't surprised when the feeling came about half way through my day and then my mind got going! I had let a few little things that have been bothering me build up and hadn't done anything about them so naturally my mind got racing and it all came crashing down! It was a mixture of things ... a new schedule coming at work ... Missing Colb like CrAzY ... having to miss my brother's graduation knowing that the rest of the fam was there and more than that knowing he wouldn't miss mine ... knowing exactly what step to take next in life and being totally and completely scared of all of it ... the thought of having to pay $1400.00 next month to get my car fixed so it will pass inspection ... Did I already say missing Colby? Anyway ... I let these thoughts linger for a bit and just when I knew I couldn't think about it all anymore I heard the spirit whisper ... he loves you! I got a smile on my face just like this one ......
This is the smile that says... Seriously? How in the world did I get so lucky? I really have it all! Sure I just went through a divorce that was anything but fun but I know all of it was supposed to happen .... The night that I decided things between Josh and I were going no where good I had the most incredible experience! I was laying in bed and it was about 1:00 AM ... I wasn't asleep but I wasn't entirely there and then something woke me up completely and I was wide awake. I got a feeling of fear mixed with comfort and then I felt the spirit tell me that if I was going to leave then this was my chance. If we end things now we can do it the right way and it will all work out okay. After a long conversation we both knew without question that this was the way things were supposed to go. Don't get me wrong it was anything but easy and I still have my days but I was immediately comforted!
It was only a few short weeks later that I ran into Colby at a single's fireside in the stake and I was quickly reminded of the good times we had in high school! I still can't believe those boys let us go to the golf course with them (more than once) and let us waste all their expensive golf balls just so they could get a good laugh out of watching us but I'm so glad they did! Colby decided I could probably use a friend and someone to talk to and he was just that! I told him everything and I'd call or text him when I was getting that feeling of why me or poor me and He'd open my eyes again and help remind me that life is anything but easy but we might as well enjoy what we can and learn from what we can't! Sometimes I wonder if he's too smart for his own good and he might be but even if he is I enjoy his words of wisdom and the smile he always seems to put on my face! I remember like it was yesterday the day I realized that I liked Colb more than a friend and I crossed my fingers hoping he felt the same but wondering at the same time if this could be right .....? I went to my Father in Heaven about it and then to my beautiful Mother (who both seem to know it all) with my thoughts and concerns on the matter and from both of them I got the same answer .....

'You go with your gut and what you feel is right!'

Normally this answer would frustrate me and leave me wondering but this time I knew exactly where I was headed and what to do next! I still can't believe the turn life has taken in the last few months and it scares me to think of what trials are still to come my way but at the end of every negative experience or thought I get this smile again that reminds me that life isn't so bad, there is always someone worse off, and really ... I have it all going for me! The only thing that can hold me back is that one person who doesn't want anyone to be happy or successful and if I don't want to be held back .. I don't have to be! I love this smile! What an aMaZiNg feeling to know that no matter what - our Father in Heaven knows us, loves us more than anything, and wants us to be happier than we can ever imagine! What a blessing!
It's also a good feeling to know that Colby knows everything about me and ...he still loves me!